Approach Anxiety

How PUA Lifestyle Coaching can help you with your approach anxiety using NLP, life coaching, hypnosis and positive psychology, cognitive hypnotherapy based in central London and Reading in Berkshire for help with anxiety, AA, approach anxiety, overcoming fears and depression, cope with feeling rejected 

What is approach anxiety?

Anxiety is feeling of worry, apprehension or unease. Anxiety is a fear of an event which hasn’t happened – It’s a feeling based on a future event that hasn’t happened!

The purpose of an approach is to make an initial proposal or request.

Approach anxiety is that feeling of worry, apprehension or unease just before approaching a girl or a group containing women of at least one you fancy, which then often leads to NOTapproaching. All anxiety is based upon uncertain future events, in this case approaching a girl or group containing women of at least you’re attracted to and fancy.

So why does it feel like it’s being experienced now? In the present

This is because you are using your imagination and in this case not very usefully.  

You are imagining a future event going badly based upon past experiences, your current mental and emotional state, and then projecting what you think is going to happen on to the situation, most of this will not be within your conscious awareness

– then AA kicks in and you probably don’t approach, you will then backward rationalise things and come up with a reason or an excuse as to why you didn’t approach.

All of this happens so quickly, within a few seconds or maybe up to a few minutes, however long all of this takes isn’t the most important thing (however that can be worked with as well and in many ways) – that is that time can seem too slow down, you can seem to associated or feel more of a focal point, or disassociate. You may notice physical sensations or experience a mental block. 

Whatever you experience you are doing very quickly and it can seem overwhelming, confusing and provide what is experienced as an over stimulus of information and sensations.

You are basically producing and making unhelpful thoughts, pictures and negative voices in your mind. These are the things that will create and intensify the physical feelings associated with anxiety such as heart palpitations, ‘butterflies’, a shortness of breath, chest pains, sweaty palms, stomach aches and headaches.

A common scenario around AA

You see this women in a bar who you want to approach … still you don’t do anything because you’re becoming afraid or fearful or anxious, it’s AA again, and you thought you’d been plucking up the courage, waiting for the right moment, the right time thinking about what killer line to use or what routine to play, then it enters your mind you’ve blown the moment, the time has gone, then some other thoughts enter your mind “you didn’t because…” Yes that’s “I didn’t do it because…” You then go on a search in your mind and within your feelings and you find a confirmation of what you thought “I didn’t do that time because … yes that’s right”. The moment’s gone, still maybe next time.

Then you could start thinking a number of ways –

  • Next time will be different (and maybe it will)
  • I can’t (or won’t) do this anymore, it’s not for me (others maybe but it’s not me)
  • I’ll go back on the forums, there will be my answer, I need to keep looking
  • Maybe another bootcamp, some pdf’s or more dvd’s


Okay, let’s start looking at a completely different way of dealing with this”

Call 07807540142 to know more or  Email today 

The Matrix Model Explanation

The Matrix Model is made up of 6 steps – Stimulus, Memory, Emotion, Response, Termination and the Evaluation. Always starting with the stimulus which in this case would be around the approach, then a memory would comeflashing in consciously or unconsciously which leads to an emotional reaction. This emotion then leads to a response which could be panic, flee or just no approach, then comes the termination which is the end of the non-approach or the unsuccessful approach. Finally there will be an evaluation which will usually involve some backward rationalisation, negative affirmations and the stacking on to the belief system that “you can’t do this” or whatever negative belief you may have.

Stimulus – HB9, HB8, Club, Loud Music, People etc

Memory Matrix – Past experiences, negative memories, failed approaches etc

Emotion – Fear, Anxiety, Phobia

Response – Flight, Flee, Panic, No Approach

Termination – It’s over, Fear and Anxiety start going

Evaluation – “I didn’t approach that time because…”

What can be done with AA? How can we help?

From an NLP, life coaching and therapy point of view a lot, there are many ways of dealing with AA and because everyone will have their own unique ‘way of being anxious’ and it’s impossible to describe every possibility here. However there will always be a reason, unique to you and because of this the solution needs to be uniquely set for you.

Using a combination of the Matrix Model, Neuro-logical Levels alignment, hypnosis to uncover the reason as to why the AA started, then tasking and NLP techniques can help massively with approach anxiety. And usually very quickly, typically between 2-4 sessions (sometimes one is all that’s needed).

The basic difference between guys who are amazing at approaching women and guys who can’t (or don’t) approach women at all isn’t whether or not they have eliminated their fears… but what they do with them.

If you have Approach Anxiety (we all do to some degree) you have 2 choices – 
1) You can let it destroy you… and any chance you have of meeting a woman and having a great relationship.
2) Or you can let it motivate you… and increase your chances of meeting all the women you desire.

It’s a simple choice really!!!

If the books, bootcamps and forums haven’t helped then maybe it’s time to seek some professional and alternative help, this is within my area of expertise comes in. Approach anxiety can be dealt with effectively and in a short space of time, many experienced Pick-up Artist’s admit to getting AA, so if you still get it you’re in good company, and it proves that it can be made to work for you. 

So if you want to deal with this problem then contact me and we can work out the best way of dealing with this for you. Typically it will take between 2-4 sessions to overcome most issues and sticking points, and sometimes only one session will be required. 

Approach anxiety can itself be broken down into a number of types including a fear of talking to strangers, fear of interrupting people, fear of running out of things to say, a fear of looking inadequate and a paradoxically a fear of success. All of these can be broken down and dealt with in different ways using a combination and a variety of coaching, techniques and approaches.

So why do men feel approach anxiety?

There are many theories on why men experience approach anxiety. A popular one is based on the idea of survival and replication, this goes back to tribal times there when we lived in small groups there would be a very limited number of women at breeding age and if a man approached one he risked rejection from her, which could if rejected lessen his replication value in the eyes of the other women – and maybe enough to prevent any further mating opportunities. Another based within the tribal factor is the possibility she may have a mate already, in this case there is a chance  of real physical danger and maybe death to him or any man that approaches her. This can also lead to being cast out of the tribe and making both your chances of replication, and survival zero.

nother theory is that some men are naturals, whilst the rest of us just aren’t. And these alpha males just have it in their genes. Trouble is this has no real scientific basis of truth, genes don’t work this way and from a humanistic point it’s stating that humans are limited, we are not, you are not!  If it’s humanly possible then anyone can do it – and that means you!!!

One trouble within the whole PUA field in that guys are sharing their personal ‘real’ experiences of rejection to all others that care to listen. So from that therefore it’s true that while some guys have experienced rejection as a result of approaching women that – the others who saw, heard or read about it and have little or no real experience to draw from, decide that’s just how it is without any real reference point. While learning from other’s experience can reduce the learning curve it will never substitute for real life experience.

Call 07807 540142 to know more or  Email today